WALLS AND FENCES

People are always trying to put up walls within themselves, between each other, and even between nations.

So today when I was reading the top news story, I couldn't help but laugh a little. George Bush is approving of a bill that would allow the US to build a FENCE across the border of Mexico.

I could just hear the common lingo being changed. Girlfriend says to boyfriend, "Why are you acting that way? Your putting a fence between us!"

As I read on... I found the real kicker. It is only being built a third of the way across. Apperantly George thought he had the Mexicans fooled. Right, because they would never think to go around the fence.

It also reminded me of my childhood when we didn't want to go around the fence, we'd do the next best thing: we'd jump it. (This puts a picture of illegal immigrants running with really long sticks and catapaulting themselves over the fence of freedom.) As kids, part of the reason why we would choose to "jump" the fence was simply because it pissed the nosey neighbor off. The US has become that nosey neighbor, making everyone else's business their business. With this new fence idea, George has just dubbed himself the new Wilson. He always has the best advice for his neighbors, yet they'll never see his face.

Well, here's my advice to George:
If your going to build a barrier, like the ones in China and Berlin, they both built a wall. Not a fucking fence.

AGAIN

I woke up naked again this morning.

I'm beginning to realize that the older I get, the easier it is for me to black out after a night of drinking.

ALL BUSINESS

It was late afternoon at the restaurant where I work, when at a young man came in. He was nicely dressed, and somewhat good looking. He had something tucked under his arm, but I couldn't tell what, and was frantically looking around the restaurant like a little lost puppy.

"Can I help you sir?"

"Yes, I'm meeting someone here." He was nervous, like first-date nervous. "Maybe she came in already. She's tall and thin with jet black long hair." Quite the description, I thought as I watched his expressions change from nervous to hopeful as he spoke of her. "Has she come in yet?"

"Not yet, but if you would like to have a seat I will show her where you are the moment she comes in."

"Well, alright. Her name is Lydia, if that helps," he added as I showed him to his table.

After about ten minutes later, Lydia came in, and she too was carrying something. It took me a moment to realize she was the same person he had spoke of. Although she was very attractive she was not what I had expected after the young man had put her up on a pedestal. Her hair was medium length and brown, not a stunning jet black. She was average height and build and did not seem at all nervous to be here.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm meeting this guy I work with."

"Right this way." I chuckled to myself as I showed her where her admirer was seated. She sat down and immediately opened her briefcase.

PROPOSALS AND PASSERBYS

It seems that anywhere we go, my roomate Lynn attracts people's attention. Someone will always stop to make a comment, and nine times out if ten it is about one of two things: her long hair, or her chest. I suppose I should mention that she has crazy-curly hair and the biggest boobs I have seen that aren't filled with silicon. Let's put it simply, she stands out in a crowd.

Well, today was a milestone in the ridiculous comments she has received. While walking down the street, minding her own business listening to her Ipod, a man from about 30 feet away starting shouting to her. Immediately, she had that "oh, shit, he's talking to me," feeling, in which situation, many people would acknowledge the man frantically trying to attract her attention.

Not Lynn.After years of uncalled for remarks about her chest and ridiculous cat calls from men in cars, she reacted a little differently.

She turned her headphones up and kept walking. At which point, the man grabbed her by the hand, and removed the ring from his finger. He got down on one knee, and right then and there, a man who she had never seen in her life, proposed to her.

People walking by could hear his vow of endless love, Lynn however, could not. The techno continued to blast in her ears as passerby's noted the momentous occasion and chanted "say yes!"

After she refused his proposal, Lynn and I walked along the same street chatting away when a man on a bicycle came towards us. Dangerously close. Inches away from our ears, he leaned over, and just as he passed us, let out the loudest, most obnoxious belch that seemed to echo on as he peddled away behind us. It stopped us dead in our tracks.

"Well," I said as we tried to figure out if that really just happened. "Only in Brooklyn can you get proposed to and burped on by complete strangers all in a single day."