Saturday, March 15, 2008


A miracle happened at work the other day.

"Guys, get over here now!" one of the servers summoned us.

"Whats up, I'm kinda busy. This better be good." He was waving a black amex around.

I have to admit I hate black amex cards. Number one the damn things are made of lead(or titanium, whatever) and are tricky to swipe on the computer because they are so thick. Number two, I can't help but get that feeling of envy everytime I pick one up. I analyze the person and think in my head "what the hell do you do that allows you to have a black amex?" I mean, they are like the holy grail of the Amex cards. Teach me your ways. The worst is when someone who is about a year older then me hands one over.

For starters, there are only an estimated 10,000 black Amex cards that exist. This low number shocked me since I usually get one just about every day. You have to charge a minimum of $250,000 a year to qualify. Hopefully someday someone won't be making that end of year quota and have to throw the rest on my tip. (Hey, let me dream ok?)

It's a secret mystery as to how you actually apply for one, and what specifically qualifies you. There is a rumor going around that the most elite of the elite now have the "American Express Crystal Card." I'm praying the name does not reflect what it will be made of. Point being, these things are no joke, and normally people don't just wave them around the restaurant.

"This black amex just got declined." We all stopped dead.

"That's not possible."

"Let me see the slip." Sure as shit, there it was, declined. Big bold print.

Oh, how I wished that was my table. I know it's a little messed up, but I would LOVE to hand that card back and say to that CEO at his lunch meeting with a sweet, sweet smile on my face "I'm sorry sir, but your card was declined."

In reality, it was probably a computer failure. It would have to be a miracle to have an actual Black Amex get rejected. But hey, you never know it could happen in the near future.

After all, Britney Spears has one.


Anonymous Kristina Leigh said...

That's hilarious. I was doing some research on this card and I came across your blog. Very funny story. :)

9:26 PM  

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